Pervert! You just tried to watch the Mini Me Sex tape. Instead a letter has been sent to your parents and friends and your name will go on a list alongside Fred & Rose West.
I’m not sure if you’ll remember but a while ago I bumped into you at the Doctors surgery and got talking about a delicious recipe for Carrot & Coriander Soup
I am planning on throwing myself off the Humber Bridge. Don’t worry Penelope, it’s for charity. I have had lots of media interest in the big event and my aim is to raise a million pounds.
My wife and I watched you propose to Lisa on BBLB yesterday and I had to write to tell you that you confirmed what I already knew – you are the greatest and coolest guy on the planet.